lindsey's story

My Story

I was twenty years old

And healthy as can be

But little did I know

Life was about to change for me.

I was walking in my schools’ gym

With my older brother

Then suddenly I opened my eyes

And I was on a stretcher under the covers.

My brother looked at me and said

“Lindsey, you had a seizure,”

I shook my head and laughed a little

Because I was a disbeliever

My mom and dad drove

To the hospital to see me

In that bed, I sat frightened, timid, and scared

And I knew I was worrying the hell out of my family.

It was my first episode

All my tests were all clean

So, they decided to send me home.

I kept thinking, “what does this mean?”

Three months had passed

But I still had not forgotten that day.

And I was in for a treat

Much to my dismay.

It was during dinner at home

I fell right onto my mother.

Another grand mal, my body was powerless

I did not even realize I had another.

I could not even say

My birthday when I was asked.

All I remember is blinking my eyes

Then suddenly, several minutes had been passed.

The loss of memory and the stumbling words,

Why can I not remember?

Another round of tests and a pile of worries

Why did my body just surrender?

The doctor ordered medicine

Because it was my second grand mal seizure.

All I could think is I want to go home

To my puppy just so I can see her.

This medicine sucked

I just slept my life away.

I was sad and on edge

But it is what I needed to keep my seizures at bay.

An MRI, an EEG

Both inconclusive.

That not knowing had me feeling

That the universe is outright abusive.

I had to start graduate school

It is exhausting.

The academic stress and my personal battles

Upon me, I felt a depression falling.

My mind became a dark

Absolutely frightening place.

I had to tell my doctor

That my medicine made my life a disgrace.

I got a new prescription

I am starting to feel like myself again.

I am smiling and joking and laughing

I almost forgot who I had been.

It is a constant battle of worrying and wondering

Is something going to happen?

Will I seize in the classroom? Or on a date?

It is a mindset that I feel trapped in.

The loss of independence

You even get scared to shower.

I never realized until it happened to me

That those with epilepsy have a lot of power.

We are constantly fighting

This invisible battle.

And society does not see

That it is more than just a hassle.

My journey has just started,

Sometimes I want to give up.

But I know inside I am a warrior full of strength

And I have accepted that you cannot always control how your life is set up.