My name is Kate and I have Epilepsy there I said it. Sounds like an AA meeting am I right? And I feel better for it because I know I can help that person or persons going or have been gone through the same thing as me. Come to think of it I used to be ashamed of saying those words. It has been a fear of mind: telling my story of this crazy world of Epilepsy. Anyways here is my troubling story. Having Epilepsy is the second thing that turned my life upside down. The most was losing my dad due to a seizure/heart attack.
I never know were to start when talking about my time here on earth. I do not know what people want to hear. I will start at my age now 29 I do not want to hide my struggles with epilepsy and everything that comes with being well me.
Ever since I was young, I been around Epilepsy I saw seizures which at the time scary for a young girl. It was a crazy life, but I was happy. Till I turned 14 and 15.
I was 14 when I had my first seizure. The first thing that was my life changed. I always though I would turn out like my dad because of this horrible case of Epilepsy. It took me a long time to get back to school because I did not know what my friends would think or how they would treat me.
One day I got the strength to go back to school, I was nervous for no reason, they treated me the same and I my school was understanding. Also have a learning disability. Bright side is I got through high school. It was a “highway to hell”.
I even thought that no one will love me because of my struggles of having epilepsy. At 23 or 24 I was looking for love. I found it in one person back then, it turned out that it was not the right guy for me. While healing I came across the devil of all guys. I needed that love because I did not love myself because I felt unloved and that I could never be loved. So, when I meet the bittersweet guy, I went down hill. I thought he loved me, but it turned out he never did. He just wanted more then love if you know what I mean. He made me feel like I will never be loved, so that made me not love myself. Another guy came around after and well he was not the best either. But now I found love.
My father had Epilepsy and it was a bad case. His seizures were not controlled. I woke up one morning due to a scream, I was used to the screams, I knew it was a seizure my dad was going through. But at first, I did not get out of bed, I knew my mom had it under control. I know if that was selfish or what. I was starting high school, grade 10 so that made me 15.
After time went by something did not seem right so I up, I started walking to the bathroom were my dad was because he was getting ready for work. What I saw I did not expect my dad on the floor. I could not believe my eyes, the guy I looked up to has left this world. I felt it in my broken heart that my dad had went to a better place. He was 49 when he died. When I lost my dad, I knew my life would never be the same. I miss him everyday.
After my world turned upside down, I went in to depression, and just in a fog, because I did not how to handle not having a dad to walk me down the aisle, have father and daughter dance at my wedding, seeing my dad grilling my first boyfriend. Simply just a guy to hold me in his arms say “everything will be better”. Dealing with this lost I had to deal with it on my own, well not was completely alone I had my soundtrack that would make me feel better and keep myself strong. My dad was my role model because he never let Epilepsy get him down. He always said, “don’t let Epilepsy run your life”. Which now I try to live by. But it gets hard, but I get through it. Listen to my life soundtrack and seems to make me feel better. I know that broken feeling will come back. Also, it made me feel like the person singing understood my pain, my heartache.
Since no one wanted to hear my problems or just did not what to say. I thought it was just to write too it helped. And putting in my ear buds listening to my life soundtrack. It was the only ways I could feel.
At 29 I am trying and willing to help youth and adults get through hard times, so they know they are never alone there is always someone willing to talk, about anything. I never want a someone go through this alone, like I did.
I feel that Epilepsy has been forgotten. Because no one know nothing about Epilepsy and do not know what to do with a seizure. People need to learn about Epilepsy so we can feel safe in school, and at work. Even when you are going through hard times if it’s epilepsy, or anything else self love is the most important thing in love. I am still learning.
WE ARE ALL WARRIORS! REMEMBER THAT!